Things I do not understand

Ok so I guess this thing is supposed to be good for the sould.. HONESTY.. hmmm does anyone now days really know what that word even means?? WOW so many thoughts running through my mind. Ok so my new Spiritual project is this.. LETTING GO of resentment anger and truly learning what TRUE forgivness means.. hmm should that be an easy task?? I am sure eventually there will be those who will find this blog and have plenty to say and you know.. thats ok.. Look I am far from perfect and have MORE than done my share of hurting others.. but I also have always been woman enough to say YEA I DID IT SO WHAT OF IT... *whatever that may be) and the one thing I can NOT NOT NOT NOT stand is being accused falsly.. but I guess Christ went through it so why am I any differant.. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW>> but it still BUGS the crap outta me... I have always grown up in a family where I was taught to care what others thought of you(led by example is more like it) and ya know as an adult it is still hard to let go of. I am trying to find the line between breaking free emotionally and not looking like I am fullfilling biblical signs of the end times by breaking free...lol.. if that makes any sense at all.. WOW.. ok so I am a person who LOVES family and man this family I have(extended) just kinda sux right now.. no one wants to speak to anyone yet they all claim to be saved and sanctified.. than here is the REAL kicker the ones who do not claim anything are the ones who can work out the disagreements.. Now answer that one for me..lol.. WOW... so I guess I leave it all at the Cross and go on.. well I believe that GOd made made me and HE knows why that is so hard for me to do but I am DAILY learning to do that.. I still ache for the cousins who hate me and for the aunts and uncles who are misserable and for the 2nd cousins that dont even know each other.. ya know if everyone could have a near death experience I think it would or it should change everyone.. because life is not a guarantee or a promise or even our right.. IT IS AS A GIFT every single min hour day week month year that God CHOOSES to give to us and at any moment he could choose to take that away.. so what are we doing with that time?? Hanging on to past hurts regrets.. afraid of being wrong .. afraid of someone THINKING ill of us .. so does that make it right to let things go on year after year with no change at all?? Sense when did it become our responsability to FIX everyone instead of ourselves?? HMMM and what about the idea that Christ came to SAVE THE WORLD??? Does that mean only the not so bad people but the really fowl and down and dirty ones cannt be forgiven?? Well I choose to not put my HUGE GOD in a box like that because to me that is the BIGGEST mirable of all is when a HORRIBLE sinner is saved WONDERFULY by Grace.... and mistakes.. wow why do we feel the need to kick a man when he is down?? What happend to human desency?? Those of us that know better should be DOING IT and teaching our kids these morals and values.. not more hate.. So today I choose to forgive all who have wronged me.. I choose today to Love and pray for them and LET IT GO and LET GOD.. YES LET GO AND LET GOD!!!! I choose to make heaven my home.. I choose to live each day the way He wants me to live.. I will give untill there is just no more to give.. IM GOING TO LOVE LOVE TILL THERE IS JUST NO MORE LOVE.. I could never NEVER out love MY LORD....


I will not be giving my blogs proper endings because I am probably going to be comming back through out the day to add to them..lol.. this is my theropy.. MY FREEDOM>..lol